Week 10 Storytelling: Marriage Counseling

Dr. Counselor: Well, I can’t say I’ve ever seen a case as unique as yours before. So…five husbands and one wife? I’ll try to help you out, but of course the usual marriage counseling strategies are aimed at monogamous couples. It’s going to take some creativity to adapt them. I’m up for the challenge if you’re willing to put up with some experimentation on my part.

Yudhishthira: Of course, doctor. I’m sure you’ll be able to help us.

Dr. Counselor: So can you describe what issues you seem to be having in your marriage? Jealousy, perhaps?

Arjun: Well, that’s a leading question! No, we’ve long passed any jealousy problems. Being married for over twenty years, we’ve found ways to work it out.

Dr. Counselor: So why did you all come in today?

Pandava brothers: Well…

Dr. Counselor: Yes?

Draupadi: [sighs] It’s because of me. They all get along fine. I’m the thorn in everyone’s side!

Bhima: Dear one, that’s not true! It’s just that this exile has been hard on all of us, and tensions are rising the longer we stay in the forest all together.

Nakula and Sahadeva: [mumbling] Because someone’s being a whiny b*#!@.

Dr. Counselor: Ahhh, I think I’m beginning to see the root of the issue. You’re not so different from other marriages after all –

Arjun: Yes, it seems to be the standard of woman to nag her husband about what can’t be helped!!!

Dr. Counselor: Now, now, let’s not raise our voices or point fingers. Communication is a two-way street. Brothers, what are your side of things?

Bhima: Draupadi is the perfect wife! I’m so sorry we got her into this situation. I don’t mind doing everything she wants. She deserves it, to so selflessly go into exile with us and give up so much!

Nakula: Except she then complains about everything! It’s all nag, nag, nag, “look at what a mess you’ve made of things,” “how could Yudhishthira be so stupid,” “you lost my lovely palace,” “how could husbands do this to their wife” –

Sahadeva: All she does is whine about how we need to seek vengeance! Which is totally our plan, but we have to finish our exile first and then worry about all that. The time will come, she just needs to learn patience.

Yudhishthira: It’s not all that bad. Draupadi is right – I really screwed up, and it affected all of us very negatively. Just, after so long, I feel like we’re growing distant rather than closer in our relationships with her.

Arjun: [mumbles] Yeah, I would rather be in the palaces of my other wives sometimes, but instead I’m always stuck with her.

Dr. Counselor: Draupadi, what’s your side of this?

Draupadi: I don’t think my husbands realize just how much this exile has affected me. That palace was home, it was the only place where I’d ever felt truly comfortable and in control. To lose that was devastating! And then the humiliation of the games with those Kauravas – a woman’s honor demands vengeance in such a case, and I can’t let my husbands forget their duty to serve it!

Dr. Counselor: O-kay, I think we have enough to work with here. There’s some hidden tensions here I’d like to parse out further, but those can wait for later. Like I said, the communication issues are quite clear. Let’s start by discussing how to address those, shall we?

attempted disrobing of Draupadi following Yudhishthira's loss of the game

Author's Note: Reading through Divakaruni's novel The Palace of Illusions, I was struck by Draupadi's attitudes and behavior during the Pandavas' exile. She's not a very supportive companion; rather, in her rage with the situation, she's berating her husbands about seeking revenge and making a lot of complaints and demands. She's never really had a loving relationship with the five brothers in this book, but I hate how bad it's getting at this point. I thought up the idea of marriage counseling, because I think part of the problem is that she's being blinded by her feelings, but also part of the problem is that she and the brothers aren't communicating well enough on their issues and relationships. I want them to work things out rather than just place all the blame on Draupadi's behavior.

Bibliography:

Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, The Palace of Illusions (2008)

illustration from a Mughal period Persian Mahabharata (Wikimedia Commons) 

Week 9 Storytelling: On Raising Children

The worst thing a child can do is defy their father.

This doesn’t apply to all of my many children; most grew up well-behaved. They followed the family’s rules, they did well enough in school, they married a good spouse, settled down and began to raise their own families.

But then Sandy ran away. She was towards the younger end of the pack, a quiet girl. I thought I knew her well, until she left. None of us heard anything from her for years. She was just sixteen, and we didn’t even know why she’d run off.

She eventually came back, years later, but she said she was no longer Sandy. She came back as Sam, a tough, slightly troubled…man. We were shocked. Sandy had run away to change her identity. I tried to welcome her back – she is my daughter, after all – but it was uncomfortable. The family couldn’t – I couldn’t – see her as who she’d become.

My two youngest, though, they accepted Sam without much question. I guess they hadn’t really known Sandy before, as they were the “surprise babies,” born when all their siblings were already teenagers and older. They were thrilled to meet this new sibling, someone who could talk to them of far-off travels and life outside our small, rural town.

The twins were, of course, our last two children, and on them rested all the expectations of perfection. We’d raised so many other good children, how could these two possibly go wrong? We just knew they would do us proud. As Drew and Dede grew up, they proved to be whip-smart and generally well-mannered, respectful kids.

I could tell that our expectations for Drew didn’t sit well with him, but he manned up and accepted them anyway. With Dede, it was more difficult. She could be quarrelsome, resistant to authority, impatient to the point of rudeness. She was a tomboy. She wanted to do everything her twin brother did, even the things that weren’t meant for girls.

I despaired of her making a good match, once she was old enough. I figured she’d resist me against anyone I nudged her towards. But I was wrong. She liked this Cameron guy who she’d met online, a kind of brooding man with a past he didn’t want shared. I thought a much better match for her would be Arthur, someone local who we’d known of for years and whose business acumen would be both a good alliance for our family and provide a strong financial basis on which to raise their own children. I could tell Dede didn’t really like the idea at first, but eventually she dropped Cameron for Arthur.

I guess my children aren’t that defiant after all.

(image of Draupadi)

Author's Note: I based my story this week off of Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni's retelling of the Mahabharata, a novel called The Palace of Illusions. I was struck by her descriptions of King Drupada's children, contrasting the normal girls of the palace with the character depth and unconventional bents of Draupadi and Shikhandi. Dhri is a bit more conventional, but still he's troubled by what he knows and accepts is his fate. It occurred to me that for Drupada, these three children are probably difficult for him to understand. They're not like the others; they're more complex, more questioning, possibly more defiant, and these characteristics can't sit well with a deeply traditional, authoritarian father, be he a king or any other regular patriarch.

Bibliography:

Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, The Palace of Illusions (2008). 

"Pleasing," by Raja Ravi Varma, undated (Wikipedia). 

Week 7 Storytelling: A New God in Brindaban

I was nine when I first became aware of Hari. There had been talk, sure, of a strange child in our small town of Brindaban, and I’d sometimes overhear tales of miracles as well as tricks and tomfoolery. Krishna must have been ten or so years older than me, though, so I’d mostly just paid attention to friends my own age and not observed what else was going on around me. Those older folks had a world to themselves, and I wasn’t yet part of it.

But when I was nine, I started paying more attention. Talk of Hari increased as well. People were really dissatisfied with our ruler, Kansa, a tyrant whose greed and harsh laws were destroying the kingdom of Mathura from the inside out. People wished for a major change. Times were hard, and not even our religion seemed to offer much hope anymore. Could this supernaturally strong, wise, kind Hari be the answer to everyone’s prayers?

I began following reports of Hari with interest. He was said to have defeated the Demon-Sheep that had long plagued our pastures. He rescued our cowherds and their cattle from a monster cave. He brought back to life his comrades after they were killed by Kaliya Snake. One could not help but love him; his charisma enveloped all in a sense of contentment and communion. Even our people’s leader, Radha, pined for him at the same time that she raised this simple cowherder to an intellectual and spiritual companionship with her.

Hari’s influence increased. People sought his advice, his company, his aid. We told each other we would do anything he said – and so we did. When Hari told us to cease worship of Indra and the other old gods to follow him, we did it. And when Indra, angered, sent great rains and floods upon us, we ran to Hari and he saved us. This solidified our worship of Hari. Surely someone who could accomplish such feats was a powerful god.

 Krishna holding up the mountain to protect against Indra's rains and floods

But Hari did not just want to be worshiped; he wanted to rule. He challenged Kansa and won, to our great joy. We finally had a righteous and just king! We were disappointed that he chose not to return to Brindaban, but he had many larger concerns now than our little community. We took great pride in his being from our town. We were warmly welcomed whenever we made pilgrimages to visit Hari, and that recognition was enough for us.

We watched with happiness as word of his exploits and wisdom reached across India. Much of this we spread ourselves, but the more people who learned of Hari, the more his fame spread. We cannot tell for sure what the future may bring, but it is our hope that worship of this god, incarnated on earth and raised right here in our humble hometown, will live on far beyond our own lives and region.

Author's Note: When I was reading more about Krishna's life in Sister Nivedita's book, I was struck by the time he calls for the end of worship of Indra and other older gods. It struck me that this story could be read as that of a revitalization or new religious movement, according to Anthony F.C. Wallace's five stages of revitalization movements. The first "steady state" stage is skipped, as the community is already under stress (the second stage) from Kansa's tyranny.  There's also not really a third-stage "period of cultural distortion" where the rules break down, but there is a "revitalization" period (fourth stage) where a prophet -- Krishna, known in his home region as Hari -- rises up with a new set of beliefs and practices. He gains power and his influence spreads, leading to the fifth stage of routinization and a new steady state.

So when I was retelling Krishna's life for this week, I tried to focus on his story as seen by an early follower if Hari is viewed as a prophet who revitalizes his culture. The prophet's fame rises through his works and words, and he makes major religious changes. These then spread beyond just the initial impact area. The details of my story, such as names, places, miracles, and other events, as well as the visit of Brindabandans to Hari once he has defeated Kansa, are all drawn directly from Sister Nivedita's book of tales.

Bibliography: 

Sister Nivedita, Cradle Tales of Hinduism (1907). 

Mola Ram, attr., Krishna Holding Mount Govardhan, c1790 (Wikipedia).